Tuesday, June 07, 2005

F.A.D.D.

a short crime story by Dustin LindenSmith (1032 words)

This was my very first attempt at a piece of short crime fiction in November, 2004. I've since had it extensively critted and see a number of places where the story should be expanded and more detail added. But I also like it as it stands, as a short sketch and the inspiration for me to get something published in this genre.

Title suggestions are welcome, as well as other comments.



Killing appears to have come naturally to me. My first murder, if you could call it that, was executed without preparation. When I left the house that afternoon, I didn't know that I would end up killing someone so dispassionately by the end of the night. But when I returned to the house early the next morning, I wore my regular personality like a comfortable shirt. I spent the morning with my wife and our only son uneventfully: made them each their favourite breakfasts, sent them off to work and to school with their lunch bags. I even made love to my wife the next night to prove to myself that I could act normally after taking someone's life. Once the days turned into weeks without her suspecting that anything was different about me, I realized that I was prepared to do it again. And again, and again, and again. Like a good scotch, it's hard to stop at just one.

To be honest, I think what I do is practically a public service. I don't kill anyone who isn't already on the road to killing someone else at some point. Since these jerks seem incapable of preventing their actions ahead of time, I figure I need to do a pre-emptive defense strike, like what we did in Iraq. I need to do my part to remove these guys from circulation before they do some real harm to somebody innocent.

I own a bar on a secondary highway near the airport. I haven't had it for too long. It used to be part of a motel that catered to motorists passing through, but after they built a four-lane express highway that bypasses this road, the motel was foreclosed and I bought the place for a song. I had long been itching for a change of pace, uninspired to do very much since losing my daughter Amelia two years previous. The bar became a perfect place for me to pursue my new career goals. Plus, I've always been a night owl who enjoyed entertaining people. I was never interested in re-opening the motel.

Business is certainly not brisk -- downright dead, actually -- but my wife's income as a partner in a firm downtown helps considerably to offset my operating costs. Actually, I find it ironic that the place hasn't gone belly-up, since I've already killed several of my customers and I'm likely to kill several more.

Like any bar, mine has its regulars. In my case, mainly men who work on the ground and maintenance crews at the nearby airport. But I also get an assortment of plaid shirts from the country who don't appreciate the atmosphere of the bars downtown. The first one I killed was one of these. So was the second, and also the third.

The fourth one though, was different. He was a sales executive for the makers of Choco-Delite candy bars who really thought he was the cat's ass. He arrived just after I opened the bar at four o'clock one Tuesday, and by the time the six o'clock news was on he had already demonstrated his considerable prowess as a drinker and all-round bullshit artist. I was considering my options when he suddenly left for a dinner meeting. A part of me wondered if I’d ever see him again. A deeper part of me hoped that I would.

So I wasn't unpleasantly surprised when he returned around eleven o'clock that night to pick up where he had left off. Like the previous three customers I'd killed, this one was a career drinker who obviously felt that he couldn't function properly without several drinks on board. He carried himself a bit more carefully than the others, but every time he headed for the can I could detect the telltale signs. The stumble-and-recover, the too-loud and too-friendly greetings to the other customers. He was too impaired for most activities, including driving or carrying on an intelligent conversation. And while that latter impairment may not have been induced by alcohol, I was beginning to see clearly what would come later.

See, it's the thought of these guys driving away drunk that makes me do what I do. And it's not like I don't come by it honestly. Ever since that drunk driver Harold MacManus killed my Amanda two years ago on the freeway leading into town, I've never really given these killings a second thought. Except, perhaps, to savour them afterwards. And you know if anything, they make me feel a little better about myself each time.

Conveniently, the sales exec was my last customer as I prepared to close the bar at 1:00 AM. He was so impaired now that he swayed back and forth when he stood. I would have cut off many of my regulars long before they reached this stage, but I had let this guy continue drinking to see what his travel plans were at the end of the night. When he turned down my offer for a free taxi ride and assured me that he was fine to drive on his own, I felt a familiar shiver of excitement flutter through me. It intensified as I prepared what would be his very last, very poisonous, drink.

Just like the others, that shiver of excitement had almost completely worn off a couple hours later; especially once I’d lugged his dead body to the abandoned municipal airfield a few miles from the bar and dumped it in that swampy patch behind the second airstrip. Also like the others, a sense of calm pervaded my awareness as I drove home, thinking about my Amanda.

I slept dreamlessly with my arms around my wife until her alarm went off two hours later and I rose to prepare breakfast for her and my only son. In their lunch bags that day, they each found a Choco-Delite candy bar wrapped with a note telling them that I loved them. And then at four o'clock that afternoon, I opened the bar to receive my next customer. And of course, it was as usual my secret hope that one day Harold MacManus would grace me with his presence as a customer in my bar.

read more...

nonduality and music: focus on coltrane

a book chapter by Dustin LindenSmith (2048 words)


This is a chapter I've submitted for consideration for an anthology-style book on the modern spiritual tradition of nonduality. If the final manuscript is accepted by the publisher (who has requested it to be developed), the book could be published as early as 2006. If I'm lucky, the following chapter will be included in the book.

Before discussing Coltrane's spiritual quest through music, I begin this piece with a sort of prayer that leads to a general statement of terms regarding music in all its forms.




invocation

OM, the primal sound

the foundational vibrational energy from which ALL the notes come

all music arises directly from OM

all music is in one form or another an expression of THAT



acknowledgement

music is the most fundamental form of communication and connection
between human beings

it precedes words; it is the very first physical vibration of OM that humans can sense

when we share music with each other, we share in a direct experience of THE SELF



the essence of music

music reflects nature back to itself in a sonorous way:
it doesn't use images or colours, it just uses SOUND

sound, vibration -- the original causation of our physical world

when we enjoy and experience music, we are enjoying and experiencing our very aural and physical ESSENCE

when we share music with one another, there arises the opportunity to make meaningful connections with one another

through music, we can share in the experience of enlightenment and of first direct contact with THE SELF or I AM



the beat

Most music can be rendered down to its beat: its beat, its rhythm, are how we identify it as music. All good music, in whatever outward form it takes, has a beat that connects with us personally. Something in the rhythm, tone or melody of a piece will reach out to us and make us react. Make us move.

Good music inevitably leads you to move your body or your mind. If the beat really connects with you, you might nod your head in time to it. If it's really kickin', you might get into it a little with your shoulders, too. And then sometimes, when you're really lucky, the groove hits you right in the chest with a low bass KAZAM! and that's when you know that everything's chillin' and you're plugged into the source.



I AM

I am a jazz musician, a writer, an artist, and a philosopher. I play the tenor saxophone, and like one of my idols, John Coltrane, music is a mainstay of my spiritual practice. I connect with nature and I understand my self by playing and composing music. Jazz music and the history of jazz music have been important to me since childhood. I grew up in an enlightened household where my first books were on slavery, the civil rights movement and feminist activism. I understood and appreciated early on that jazz music was an authentic art form and a mode of free expression for an oppressed people. I understood and appreciated the trials that black people experienced by immersing myself in jazz music and black literature.

But beyond all that, I've always understood simply that jazz moves me. It grooves me. Jazz is within my soul, within my core, and playing and appreciating jazz music is how I commune with what is eternal within me.



spiritual expansion in jazz music

Certain musicians (or perhaps, all of the greatest ones) have used music as a means for genuine introspection, spiritual growth, or to develop a higher state of consciousness. In the jazz realm, these names spring immediately to mind:
john coltrane | miles davis | duke ellington | louis armstrong | charlie parker | ray charles | thelonious monk | count basie | keith jarrett | wayne shorter | quincy jones | ornette coleman | herbie hancock | prince | stevie wonder

These are genuine artists in the profoundest sense of the term. They were and are concerned with using music to express an essential part of who they are.

They use jazz music to connect with their soul, with their essential self.

Some of them have integrated their own spiritual quests into their music.

And John Coltrane stands alone among jazz musicians as one who completely entrenched his spiritual journey into his music.



John Coltrane

The great John Coltrane was a jazz tenor saxophone player who lived from 1926 to 1967. He devoted his whole life to playing jazz music, performing most notably with the bands of Dizzy Gillespie, Miles Davis and Thelonious Monk before launching his own full-time quartet in 1959. Jazz musicians and fans call him "Coltrane" or just "Trane".

Coltrane was always known as an intense and highly-skilled saxophonist. He worked out hard on his instrument -- there's no doubt about that. No saxophone player had ever before developed such a complete technical command of the instrument as him; not even one of his major influences, the great Charlie "Bird" Parker.

Fellow saxophonist and composer Jimmy Heath first worked with Coltrane in 1947, upon Trane's release from the Navy. Of the intensity of Trane's practice regimen, he said:
he was a person that attacked his problems;
wherein some people would lay back on what they'd
already learned to play,
if there was a specific problem that bothered him,
Coltrane could zoom in on that problem until he solved it.

he wanted to know everything that was possible

Rashied Ali played the drums in Coltrane's later groups. He recalls Trane's boxing-style warmups for their gigs and the endless energy he would put into his performances:
Trane… would ALWAYS be playing. He'd be playing in his dressing room -- just like a fighter would warm up in his dressing room and would come out into the ring and be sweating, warming up…

He would do the same thing in the dressing room, he would just play and play and play. He would break a sweat in the dressing room, and then he'd come out on the bandstand…

I don't know where he got that energy from. He was relentless, he was always pressuring the music, trying to get as much out of it as he could.

Jazz isn't jazz without improvisation, and Coltrane was a master improviser. The solos he recorded early in his career as a sideman with Thelonious Monk are impressive; those he did with Miles Davis in the late '50s are truly exceptional. But Coltrane first set himself apart as a master soloist when he released the seminal jazz recording Giant Steps in 1959. The title track contains a very complex harmonic progression of Trane's invention which is exceedingly difficult to improvise over. Indeed, the tune has become a rite of passage for all jazz musicians to master at some point in their training.

sidebar on the making of Giant Steps
It is said that Coltrane originally invented the Giant Steps progression as a technical exercise to practice improvising over the bridge to the popular jazz standard, Have You Met Miss Jones?. Whatever his inspiration, Coltrane's solos over that progression are literally wonders to behold. The sidemen who accompanied Coltrane on that recording such as Tommy Flanagan on piano have also been immortalized in the jazz community.

a visionary producer

The famous Turkish-born American Ahmet Ertegun produced that record for his label Atlantic around the same time that he introduced protegé Ray Charles to the world (Ertegun's role as one of Charles' early supporters and producers is portrayed by actor Curtis Armstrong in the 2004 film Ray, starring Jamie Foxx).




a music in transition

In the 1960s, jazz got thrown into the cultural blender along with all the other crazy stuff that was happening. In an interview for the 2004 documentary Miles Electric, virtuoso guitar legend Carlos Santana characterized the period like so:
The 60s was probably the most important decade in the 20th century.
Why?
Because it gave birth to questioning authority if it's not enlightened by GOD

Coltrane questioned all authority in jazz; in fact, he wrote a new textbook for it. This started in the early 1960s when he moved away from technically complex pieces like Giant Steps to experiment with simpler and more open song structures. He stretched out on modal music in the vein of the famous Miles Davis tune So What (Coltrane's composition Impressions is the gold standard from this era). He went on to deconstruct his compositions even further by working only with simple melodic and rhythmic fragments. Known in the jazz world as "vamps" or "grooves", Trane would play extended improvised solos over these song forms for upwards of 15 minutes.

The most visionary artists were pushing the harmonic and structural boundaries of jazz in the 60s to such extreme limits as to make the music almost unrecognizable. Jimmy Heath:
some of the younger musicians were more daring
and they had no complete ties to the harmonies
and they were freer

...he chose that direction to go in

Trane experimented widely with all forms of music and improvisation. He never stopped expanding his musical horizons, such that by the mid-1960s, he was studying native spiritual music from several sources. After reconnecting with his African roots, he released a record called Africa/Brass. After studying Indian classical music and undertaking a consistent meditation practice, he began recording works of serious spiritual introspection and exploration such as OM, A Love Supreme, and First Meditations. He ultimately abandoned almost all harmonic and structural ties to jazz by late 1965 and his music underwent a profound shift from that point forward.

Thankfully, he was prodigiously recorded from 1960 until his untimely death from liver disease seven years later. Recordings on the Impulse label (easily identified in jazz musicians' collections by their bright orange covers) are generally considered to be his most avant garde, and in his later years these records strayed quite far from his traditional jazz roots. Wife Alice Coltrane:
when he became avant garde
he lost many people, many followers
they didn't like it
they didn't approve of it
they didn't appreciate it
but there was no way he could go back



coltrane's ascent

It's clear that music was always a passion for Coltrane. But beyond that, the practice and study of music -- the process of perfecting yourself through your music was key in his life. Recordings from his later period are remarkable for their intensity, ferocity, and beauty. Late in his career, music would become indistinguishable from his own personal spiritual quest.

The singularity of focus in his quest to discover and conquer all there was about his instrument and his music calls to mind the austerity required of the most serious spiritual aspirant. Even a study of his song titles underlines the progress of his spiritual quest: songs like Acknowledgement, Attaining, Ascension, Cosmos, Evolution, Compassion, Resolutions, Serenity, and Amen.

Alice Coltrane was Trane's wife for the latter part of his life, and she also played piano in many of his last groups until he died in 1967. She intimately understood the spiritual nature of Coltrane's music.
when i heard a record by him
i remember upon listening
that i felt something beyond the music realm somehow
it was like a feeling that was beyond the musical experience

...it was like an inner experience

as he developed himself more spiritually
we were seeing the results of it musically
and if you recall such albums as OM
(which is the beginning of every mantra)
and from A Love Supreme onward,
we were seeing a progression toward:
higher spiritual realization
higher spiritual development

if it's possible through sound
to realize truth...
to me, that is the essence of his search



tributes to trane's legacy

Composer LaMonte Young spoke of the quality of Coltrane's contribution to the oeuvre in this way:
he was one of those types of geniuses
who had the ability to project immediately

and what was interesting about this
was that he was able to project
right out into the world
without any sense of commerciality

This is how I reflect on Coltrane's contribution to jazz, the tenor saxophone, and to using music as a means for profound spiritual awakening:

he had a totally commanding physical presence on the stage
this was so throughout his career, but most utterly at the end of it

when given the privilege of observing footage of
his playing from this late period
(i even know some cats who saw him play live in the mid 60s)
it's immediately apparent that he's striving for
something unknowable through his playing

watching him play is like watching a volcano erupt

the period leading up to his death marks
the most intense, soul-searching time of his life

the quality and character of his playing were simply ferocious
at the very least, audacious

in late life his music became dense:
at times impenetrable and even unlistenable

like the most enlightened sage whose insights are unknowable to the layperson,
his mode of musical expression reached a state that was just beyond

just beyond

read more...

bio

I've played the jazz tenor saxophone since I was 9 years old and I've always loved to read good books and to write. I have a music degree and I play as often as I can with my band, but I've also worked in the marketing research and software industries throughout the past 8 years.

Currently I'm practicing to become a professional fiction writer. I only started to consider this seriously in the fall of 2004, after I was diagnosed with a deadly form of lymphoma that was expected to kill me within 2 years. But rumours of my impending death were indeed greatly exaggerated, because that diagnosis was ultimately found to be untrue and I was given a clean bill of health.

When faced with various career options after that experience, I decided to pursue my dream to become a writer anyway. Even without the prospect of my certain near death looming over me, writing is something that I've always wanted to do as a profession.

Huge props are also due to my beautiful wife Jorin and our daughter Zoë. Without their love and support, I probably couldn't engage in this, the world's most self-indulgent vocation. I hope to make them proud of my efforts as well as rich beyond their wildest dreams with my first Oscar-winning screenplay.

read more...